It’s already 3 am and we could still barely sleep. Our 13-month-old son kept waking up and crying almost endlessly. He was sick for three days and his teeth are coming out. It’s one of the nightmares of any parent. A clogged nose and a cough wake him up. He tries to find comfort by sucking milk from her mother’s breast, but the phlegm keeps blocking the way. He gets up, sits down, and keeps crying. He looks me in the eyes, tears overflowing, and the whole body bowed down. I know he’s weary and I only wish I could take the pain from him. But it’s just not possible.
My wife also feels the weight of the moment. We can sense the frustration, our patience getting thinner and thinner. “What else can we do? What do you really want?” Negative thoughts start creeping in. I fear we’d lose our sense and do something stupid and unimaginable. Just recently, we saw news of parents getting depressed to the point of killing their own children.
The burden, the fatigue can be just overwhelming. It’s a struggle every parent faces and will continually face in various forms and seasons. No parent can and should hide it. It often can be so frustrating.
But thankfully, God is the God of mercy. We prayed to God, rubbed Theo’s back, and told him softly, “Sorry Theo, you’ll have to endure it. You can do it. God will help you.”
And in those moments, God helped me realized at least three things.
1.) My child needs my help more than I need some break
It’s easy to crave for comfort and be frustrated with the non-stop cries of a baby. If only he could tell me exactly what he feels, where’s the pain, and what he wants. Yet you get nothing but loud, pricking cries.
Should we be angry at him?
Let’s face the fact. He’s still a baby. If we couldn’t figure it out, how less could he? If there’s someone weak and needy, it’s him. If there’s someone who can understand, be patient, and extend help, that’s us.
So instead of focusing on my situation, I should consider his condition more.
2.) It’s God’s way of testing and forming us
Frustrating times with children are also God’s way of completing His saving work in us (Philippians 1:6). Trials of any kind is inevitable for disciples of Christ (James 1:2). But it is exactly through trials that God purifies us as gold is purified by fire (1 Peter 1:6-7). It pushes us to the limits and stretches us so can we grow.
Inconvenient times test our patience. It tempts us to find a way of escape into a fantasy world. It reveals the condition of our hearts, whether we’d still trust and obey God even in hard times. It helps uproot sin in our hearts, so we would confess our sins and draw closer to Christ.
Situations like this, where I just don’t know what to do, forces me to give up any self-reliance. It brings me to the end of myself so I would trust and long for God in prayer. And for that, God uses the “bad” situation for my own good.
3.) It’s an opportunity to serve and love others
Lastly, taking care of our child—even to the point of exhaustion—is an opportunity to reflect Christ. Jesus served us to the point of death, even death on the cross (Philippians 2:8). He came not to be served, but to serve by dying to save us from our sins and God’s wrath (Mark 10:45).
He did so not because it’s easy and convenient, but because He loves us even though we are sinners. And that love is the same love God’s Spirit enables us to show others, even to little babies who cannot yet love us back.
The way of love is not through mere feelings or only during good times. It’s through service to others even when it’s hard.
There’s a lot more to learn from this situation. Parenting indeed is hard, but it is God’s wonderful way of sanctifying us and making more like Him and His Son Jesus Christ.
